The Seven Days of Valentines
by The Person Behind My Mask
Summary: It’s basically my two best friends and myself driving Snape insane on Valentines.


Title: The Seven Days of Valentines  
  
Author: The Person Behind My Mask  
  
Pairings: Snape/OC hintage  
  
Rating: PG-13, I think I cursed a few times, maybe not.  
  
Warnings: This fic is a parody! Meaning, it makes no sense but it is funny, especially if you want to see Snape squirm!! But the fic is more for Snape lovers like myself!  
  
Genres: Comedy, Romance, General  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. The wonderful characters, setting, and more is all J.K.Rowling's doing and I absolutely love her for it! I don't get money off this fic! I hope I am in no way wronging Rowling by writing this fic!   
  
Summary: It's basically My two best friends and myself driving Snape insane on Valentines.   
  
The Seven Days of Valentines  
  
Day 1:  
  
It was raining hard on his window when he woke up. Some strange dread hung in the air. He dressed and made his way to the Great Hall. When he walked in, he stopped. The hall was filled with pink ribbons and hearts. He should have known. No wonder he was dreading. It was the week of Valentines. He had always hated Valentines. He took his seat at the High Table. That's right. He was a professor. Professor Severus Snape. A 44 year-old-man. He had chin length black hair and pale skin. His coal black eyes scanned the students. His eyes stopped on three in particular. They had taken up the reign as pranksters, or at least, troublemakers. They actually compared to Potter, Weasley, and Granger. His eyes slid over to the Gryffindor table, spotting Potter laughing among his friends. His eyes trailed back to the Slytherin table. Two Slytherins and a Ravenclaw. Claire Willins, Marie First, and Rae Anders. They were leaning in, obviously planning something. He was surprised when Willins looked up at him. When she saw he was looking, she smiled. Not as if she was pretending to be innocent, but something else. She didn't tell the others he was looking, just smiled and returned to the conversation. He felt a pang of worry in his chest. The light brown haired, now seventh year, Slytherin had always seemed a little taken with him. He shook off the feeling and continued with breakfast.   
  
He entered his classroom in his usual manner. He made his way to his seat and started calling out names.   
  
"Anders, Rae" He called, he looked up to see the short brown haired Ravenclaw raise her hand. The one Ravenclaw who really caused him problems. "Boot, Terry" The Ravenclaw boy raised his hand. "Brocklehurst, Mandy" The Ravenclaw girl raised her hand. She had grown over the years and didn't have the snotty air about her that most Ravenclaws had. "Bulstrode, Millicent" A particularly chubby Slytherin girl. "Cornfoot, Stephen" A Ravenclaw boy Snape had once thought was a werewolf. "Crabbe, Vincent" A Slytherin boy who usually played bodyguard to Draco Malfoy. "Davis, Tracey" A very 'unslytherin like' Slytherin girl. "Entwhistle, Kevin" A wild and annoying Gryffindor-ish Ravenclaw boy. "Fawcett, Samual" A true Ravenclaw boy. "First, Marie" The main prankster of the 'Marauderettes' who just happened to be a Slytherin girl. "Goyle, Gregory" The other bodyguard of Draco Malfoy. "Greengrass, Malcolm" A particularly evil Slytherin boy. "Lu, Su" A rich Ravenclaw girl who never spoke. "MacDougal, Morag" A Ravenclaw boy who practically worshipped Ms. Lu. "Malfoy, Draco" A special Slytherin boy whose father was none other than Lucius Malfoy, fellow Deatheater. "Parkinson, Pansy" A pug-faced Slytherin girl. "Patil, Padma" A slightly rude Ravenclaw girl. "Turpin, Lisa" A calm Ravenclaw girl. "Willins, Claire" He was about to go on when Willins gave a soft squeak after he called her name. He eyed her. She blushed and looked down. He continued. "Zabini, Blaise" A quiet Slytherin boy. He started class. He was walking around the classroom when he came upon Ms. Anders. She was not working on her potion and instead was jotting something down. Thinking it was a letter to one of his friends, he confiscated it. He returned to his seat and looked over the pad of paper. His eyes widened.   
  
Enter class throwing back cloak.  
  
Stare over class menacingly.  
  
Call role, looking up cause students must raise hands.  
  
Give assignment.  
  
Walk around class checking potions.   
  
Tuck back hair unentintually.  
  
He looked up at Ms. Anders. However, now she was working on her potion. He stood, trying to get the disturbing thought that Ms. Anders had been watching him out of his mind. As he continued walking around the class he was surprised when he came upon Ms. Willins. She had her quill in her right hand, newly dipped. Her left sleeve was rolled up and she was now doodling on the inner flesh of her left elbow. He stopped. "Ms. Willins, what are you doing?" He asked. She stopped momentarily, looking up.   
  
"Uh...I finished my potion." She said. He looked around quickly before moving in closer.   
  
"No. I mean, what are you doing drawing...on your arm?" He asked. She looked down at her arm then up at him.   
  
"Just bored." He sent her a weary glance then walked off. He heard her sigh loudly. At the end of class Anders came up to the front of the room to get her pad. Snape eyed her as he handed her the pad. She was turning away when she looked back to him.   
  
"Um, Professor?" She asked.   
  
"Yes, Ms. Anders?" He asked.   
  
"I seem to have lost my pet werewolf. Have you seen it?" She asked. She looked critically serious. He eyed her and then she shook her head lightly. "Nevermind. I'm sure I'll find it." Then she left. Strange girl...  
  
Day 2:  
  
He woke up the next morning. He got up to take his shower. That's when he saw it. A large, fluffy, white rabbit's tail. He tried everything but it wouldn't come off. So, he put on an extra large cloak. He went to his door. Pulling it open he saw a jack-in-the box sitting on the floor in front of his door. He picked it up. It was already winded up. He pushed it the rest of the way. He almost let out a cry as the jack-in-the box came out. He glared when he realized the head of it was his own. He threw it into the room and stormed down to the Great Hall. He'd find who had done these things to him.   
  
Originally he had suspected First, Willins, and Anders but it seemed Willins had a tail as well as several of other students, however, she seemed to be enjoying her tail, showing her friends she could wiggle hers. It seems she had altered her cloths this morning so that her tail stuck out the back of her skirt. He stood much of the day, not enjoying the feeling of the soft fur on his skin. However, the day only got worse as Anders began to quote things he had said in other lessons, word for word and he suddenly found himself wondering if she had taken 'notes' then as well. He took up their essays and was checking them as the students worked on the next potion. His eyebrows knitted together in disgust when he came upon a perfumed paper covered in scribbled little love hearts. He wasn't surprised when he saw who had turned it in. 'Claire Willins' was written in the top right corner. He looked up to see Willins was looking at him. When she saw he had looked up she winked at him. Then, as if it was nothing, went back to working on her potion. At the end of class he was ushering the students out of class when Willins stopped.   
  
"Professor, do you know any good love-potions?" She asked. He looked at her wide eyed.  
  
"No!" He said, sounding disgusted. She shrugged lightly, then, unexpectingly, moved forward and wrapped her arms around him. She tightened the hug momentarily then took a step back. "Ms. Willins! I hope you do realize-"  
  
"Don't worry Professor. Strict instructions from Dumbledore." She said, winked at him again and then walked out. He stood there, stunned. Dumbledore? Is she serious?  
  
He came back to his classroom once before heading toward his room. He stopped when he saw the home made cake that sat on his desk, a valentine propped similarly close. After looking through the valentine, he had the vague, and scary, hint that it was from a certain blonde Slytherin...boy...  
  
Day 3:  
  
He sat in his office working on grading when he heard a knock at the door.   
  
"Come in" He said. He was surprised to see the blondish-brown haired Slytherin walk in. "Ms. Willins, what is it you want? I don't have time to waste." He said. She nodded.   
  
"Sev, I was just-"  
  
"Don't call me Sev! I am Professor Severus Snape to you Ms. Willins!" He said, annoyed that she had dared to 'nickname' him.   
  
"You don't have a middle name?" She asked.   
  
"Of course I have a middle name!" Snape hissed.  
  
"Well, what is it?" She asked.  
  
"That is none of your business what my mother named me Ms. Willins!"   
  
"What was your mother like?" She asked. Snape stood.   
  
"That is none of your business!"  
  
"Your childhood?" She asked.  
  
"That was a long time ago!" He hissed. She tilted her head.  
  
"Why? How old are you?" She asked.   
  
"To old for you Ms. Willins! Now my life is none of your business!" He seethed. Her face blanched and yet she blushed furiously at the same time, her eyes getting smaller. Suddenly the door flung open. Ms. Anders ran in excitedly, grabbed him and dragged him into the halls, pointing out one of the windows.   
  
"Look Professor! Look!" She said. Ms. Willins had followed them out. He looked at the sky, inwardly hoping that she had caught Potter flying when he wasn't supposed to. However, after a moment and still not seeing any sign of Potter he looked over.   
  
"What in the world is it Ms. Anders?" He asked, his anger returning.   
  
"Look! That cloud Professor! It looks JUST like you!" She said, a giddy sound in her voice. Ms. Willins moved closer to the glass, studying the cloud.   
  
"I don't see it..." Anders didn't look at her.  
  
"Squint then! But I think it looks a lot like him." Anders said, now sounding mad that no one saw what she did.   
  
"Oh! If you squint real hard and kinda tilt your head...it...kinda...no." Willins said.  
  
"Yeah. I still think it looks more like a troll." Ms. First said, whom Snape hadn't even realize was there.   
  
Day 4:  
  
Snape looked up confused when Ms. Anders entered the classroom carrying several large books. When he started class he started to tell the class when Ms. Anders began to interrupt him with comments like, "he's right you know!" or "He's done it again!". When the students began doing their work he began traveling around the class as he usually did. However, he couldn't help but to overhear the conversation going on within the Marauderettes.   
  
"And when I told McGonagall about how we had seen a cloud you thought looked like Snape she said 'oh it must have been handsome'. I about wanted to puke!" First told Anders, who just looked at her while working on their potion. He felt his stomach churn. Horrible! He had just come across Padma Patil when he felt something pull at his robes. He gasped. Ms. Willins was attempting to hide inside his robes, looking terrified at Kevin Entwhistle's potion, which threatened to explode. She sat beside him and today they were working on swelling solution. After settling the potion he returned to pass by Ms. Anders and First once more. This time he leaned over their cauldron to inspect their work when Ms. Anders quickly reached out and pinned something to him. He backed up. Removing it he looked at it. It had the letters 'S.P.E.W.' on it. Spew? That little brat! He glared.   
  
"Ms. Anders, twenty points from Ravenclaw!" He declared. She glared. As he was walking away he heard he mumble.  
  
"Gosh. Someone 'clearly' doesn't care about House-elves rights." He stopped, looking at Ms. Willins whose solution had gone horribly wrong. He moved in on her. After giving her the 'usual' speech, she looked up.   
  
"Does that deserve a detention?" She asked. He looked at her for a moment.   
  
"No." He thought, imagining having to spend an entire detention with her. As he was walking off to check other students' cauldrons he heard her sigh to her friends.  
  
"Isn't he just the cutest little thing you ever did see?"   
  
Day 5:  
  
The next day he woke. Making his way to the great hall he realized that he was being followed. Ms. Willins was following at a distance, but it was obvious to him. He stopped, and so did she. He turned on his heel and looked at her.   
  
"Ms. Willins, might I ask why you are pursuing me?" He asked. She smiled, knowing she was caught she walked closer.  
  
"Well, I was just wondering Professor," she said, reaching into her bag and pulling out a pad and pen, "if you would give me your autograph." She said. He looked at her.  
  
"No, I will not." He said. She grinned evily.   
  
"Ah, come on. Wait, are you ticklish? Tell me truth cause if you lie, I'll know." She said. He looked at her disgusted.   
  
"Ms. Willins, I must insist that this...thing or whatever it is you are doing must stop." He ordered. She smiled lightly.  
  
"Is it because you don't even know my family. Do you want to meet my mother?" She asked.   
  
"Ms. Willins, I have no idea what you are talking about and I must ask that you stop bothering me." He said, walking off. He was still on his way to breakfast when he came upon two sixth year Slytherins standing over a Gryffindor boy who was lying on the floor in a full body bind. "What in the world happened here. Explain yourselves!" Snape ordered. The boys looked at each other then to him.   
  
"Well, Professor, we were told to 'beat up anybody who says anything against the good name of Snape'." The boy said.   
  
"And what did this boy say?" Snape asked. The two boys looked at each other again and then back at him.  
  
"Well, he didn't. But he looked like he might have been thinking something." The other said. Snape groaned.  
  
Later on Snape was on his way to his office when he was suddenly tackled to the ground. He was ready to snap. Turning, he saw Ms. First pulling Ms. Anders to her feet. Ms. Anders was rubbing her backside with a groan. He suddenly got licked in the face. He gasped at the black and white Siberian husky standing in front of him. He stood. First walked up. She punched him in the arm saying, "Sevster, old pal!" Snape pulled away.   
  
"I am not your bloody 'pal' First!" He said. He did his best to calm his anger. First pulled back.  
  
"Sorry!" She cried.   
  
"And whose bloody dog is this?" He seethed. First looked over at Anders.  
  
"Um..." Anders began.  
  
"It's no ones. We were just chasing it down the hall when we ran into you. We were gonna take it Hagrid, maybe he could use with another dog." First said.   
  
"Yeah, that's it." Anders said.   
  
"Fine, take it away, and keep it out of my sight!" Snape growled. As they were walking off towards Hagrid's hut First broke out into a hearty rendition of the b-52s 'Love Shack'.  
  
Day 6:  
  
This day started out much like the second. The tail seemed to have been a week long curse and today, instead of a jack-in-the box, Snape found a bound and gagged Harry Potter outside Snape's room. Harry didn't remember anything.  
  
Professor Snape came to class that day seething with anger. If he had to deal with those girls today, he'd burst with anger. However, it did not seem they were willing to spare him today either. Everytime he turned his back to the class, Ms. Willins took the opportunity to move one seat closer to him. This continued until she had made her way to the seat directly in front of him. He moved in front of her, positioning his hands on either side of her and glaring down at her.   
  
"Would you like a detention, Ms. Willins?" He asked sarcastically. She slowly held up her hand.  
  
"I will not be swayed by your sweet words of temptation!" He pulled away. Suddenly, he saw Ms. First's cauldron knock over. It was spilling everywhere.   
  
"Surf's up, sir!" First cried. As the potion soaked into the floor he glared.  
  
"Detention Ms. First!" He ordered.   
  
"Ooh, sir, hold that pose!" Ms. Anders cried and quickly began sketching him.   
  
"That goes for you to Ms. Anders!" He yelled, her hand slowed until she was looking up at him confused. He glared over at Ms. Willins, who was now cowering in her seat. "Still want that detention Ms. Willins?" He growled.  
  
"No sir..." She said, a scared look in her eyes.   
  
Day 7:  
  
The next day Snape was feeling better. As of yet, the day had been quite normal. He smiled inwardly as a silent Willins and Anders entered the room. They took their seats. Suddenly, he saw her. Ms. First entered the room wearing a neon green tutu. He stood.   
  
"Ms. First! Could it be that you want another detention?" He growled. She looked at him lazily.  
  
"Not particularly, but if you're really that jealous, you can try it on later." He suddenly felt a hot liquid splash over his body. It seemed Ms. Willins had taken the liberty to pull out her potion from their First class. She smiled as he sputtered incoherently with anger and rage.  
  
"Does THAT deserve a detention?" She asked. He nodded, gaining his voice he yelled furiously.  
  
"Forty points from Slytherin!!!"  
  
Snape stormed toward his office. The girls should all be waiting for him. When he entered Ms. First was pretending her wand was a light-sabre.  
  
"You want to be Obi-Wan or Han Solo?" She asked. He stormed across the room to her when the door opened. It was Ms. Willins and Ms. Anders. Willins tightened up her face in tears.   
  
"Are you...are you cheating on me?" She asked suddenly.   
  
"What the?" Snape uttered. She approached him. His eyes widened as she knelt down on one knee.  
  
"Professor Severus Snape..." she started, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small black box. "Will you merry me?" She asked, opening the box to reveal a silver ring of two snakes entertwined. This was it. He couldn't stand it anymore.   
  
"Why you little!" He hissed. Willins jumped to her feet and sprinted toward the door. Anders followed, screaming. Snape was in hot pursuit when First suddenly tripped him.  
  
"Sorry Professor! You beating the crap outta us was not in the plan!" First said before following her comrades around the nearest corner. Snape got to his feet and ran around the corner. He came to a sudden halt when he came face to face with Professor Dumbledore. The three girls were hiding behind him, their faces poking out from his sides. Each looked as if he was about to kill them and their only chance to live was within Dumbledore, not that this was so far from the truth.  
  
"Dumbledore! Those girls! They should be sent home! They have been hurassing me for the last week!"   
  
"I am very much aware of what these three girls have been up to Severus." Dumbledore said, smiling.   
  
"Then why haven't you done anything to stop them?" Snape asked, halfway growling. Dumbeldore just smiled pleasantly.  
  
"I thought you must have surely figured it out by now Severus. Especially after Ms. Willins here came crying to me telling me how she had slipped it to you on the second day. She told me that she had told you that these girls were on strict orders from me." Dumbledore said, a chuckle in his voice.  
  
"So, it's your fault? But...why?" Snape asked.  
  
"You never do anything special on Valentines Day Severus. I thought these girls could help you. Come along now girls. I shall escort you to your houses." He said. Snape stood in utter shock. He suddenly noticed Willins was still standing in front of him. He looked up at her. She moved a step closer.   
  
"Professor...here." She said, reaching into her bag and pulling out the ring. He looked at her, shocked.   
  
"But I thought Dumbledore said-"   
  
"Yeah. We were. But I really did want to give you this." She said, handing it to him.   
  
"So, that means you really do have a fascination with me?" He asked, a little disturbed. She smiled.   
  
"Let's just say...you stay out of my dreams, you master of temptation, you." She said. Winking she chased off after the retreating backs of Dumbledore and her two best friends.  
  
The End  
  
A/N: Ok, so it's short and really silly. I got the idea for this fic from a list I found online. 301 Ways To Annoy Snape. If you want to read the list, just e-mail me. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I'm Claire Willins. The names are fake, I couldn't be giving out our real names now could I? 


End file.
